I love this picture of my Mom.
She is young and beautiful and all dressed up for the prom.
I don’t like that she is standing by the scary citrus orchard…
Whenever we would go to my Grandma’s house the older kids would dare each other to go into that orchard…the orchard that held all the horrors of the world. Why would she stand by that?!?
My Mom was a pretty amazing lady.
There wasn’t anything she couldn’t do…it’s almost annoying how good she was at everything. I really mean EVERYTHING!!!
She taught her family so much, but most importantly she taught us that life was to be enjoyed.
This week is a tough week for me as we celebrate her birthday and also the anniversary of her passing away. I try to remember that she wouldn't want me to be sad. She would want me to remember that life is to be enjoyed and I shouldn’t grumpy with my own kids because I am missing my Mom. That seems a pretty easy thing to remember.
I should be celebrating the good…and I should be happy.
I was smiling and being goofy while we were getting ready for her funeral…but I am ashamed to admit that my siblings and I spent the time dealing with our grief by watching Pauly Shore movies. Don’t judge.
I felt bad for my poor nephew that was angry that people were laughing and enjoying themselves at her viewing. It was a sad time, but she was a fun person who surrounded herself with people that laughed and enjoyed life. There was going to be laughter and good memories shared there. Not to say there weren’t tears, but thankfully the tears were tempered with laughter and smiles.
I am glad that my sister Niece and I had learned the lesson that it was better to smile than to cry.
And more importantly my Mom had taught us that being together and a Pepsi would make even the worse day more bearable.
I miss you Mom and I had no idea that 19 years after you passed away I would still be missing you like it was yesterday!
We would be celebrating her 71st birthday.
I liked how we used to celebrate in the good old days…
I don’t like visiting the cemetery to mark the day.
Today these 2 kids would be celebrating their 52nd Anniversary.
And 15 years ago today these 2 kids
went here to be Sealed for Time and all Eternity.
Happy Birthday Mom!
I miss you more and more everyday.
And I am grateful for the knowledge that I will see her again one day.
Today she would be turning 69!
I can’t even put in words how much I miss her.
She was an amazing Mom and such a incredible lady.
I come from a line of amazing women.
They do however have a major flaw. They don’t have the best history when it comes to their hearts.
My Grandma passed away when she was very young and left behind five young children.
My Mom passed away way too early. She had raised her five children, but we weren’t done needing her.
This is my sister last year as she was getting ready for her heart transplant.
As a Mom of 5 young children I knew I had a responsibility to take care of myself to be here for my kids.
So a month ago I scheduled an appointment with my cardiologist. It had been 10 years since I had been to see him. With such a horrible family history the Dr immediately scheduled a stress/echo test. I wasn’t really worried. I figured with my life I would slam dunk a STRESS test. Unfortunately there was slight problem with the test. I was a lot little bit upset. I knew there wasn’t going to be a problem and there was… What the?!?
After the stress/echo the Dr wanted an angiogram and the speed at which he wanted it done made me more nervous. If I wasn’t going to have a heart attack before, I was while I was stressing out about the tests. So early Friday morning Big Daddy and I headed to the hospital. Dang I hate hospitals.
So they get me all prepped and ready for this silly, little test and the wheel me into the cath lab. I was so freaked out I didn’t even really pay attention to the pictures of my heart. The Dr told me everything looked great and there isn’t a problem with my heart and the stress test was wrong. Talk about blessed good news.
And then the problems started. As they were finishing the test I started bleeding internally at the incision site and my blood pressure crashed. Not a great way to end the test. They finally got me stable and back in the recovery for my 3 hours of bed rest. But being the overachiever that I am the Dr decided that I should probably stay down for 6 hours. Flat on my back. Not being able to get up for anything. The nurses would come in a check my bleed…by putting pressure on it and causing me to want to punch them in the face. They also were kind enough to give me pain medication. Unfortunately I wasn’t dealing well with the pain medication and had the nurse a little nervous. So between the bleed and not waking up from the pain meds I earned a night at the hospital. YUCK.
Finally about 7pm on Saturday I was released from the hospital…with a pretty impressive bruising and stupid pain.
So for the last few days I have been taking it easy and letting Big Daddy take up the slack and letting neighbors help out.
And wondering when I just suck it up and get back to my regular life…
with my PERFECT heart!
She would have been 68 today.
Look how cute she was!
I just recently saw these pictures for the first time.
Is it just me, or doesn’t Roo look at little like her Grandma?
I love you Mom…
and miss you!
Friday was National Wear Red Day for women's heart health. This is a cause that is very near and dear to me.
The Girlies and I were proud to wear red.
We wore red for: My maternal Grandmother who passed away when she was 38. My Mom who passed away when she was 52. My Sister and her remarkable story. My Aunt who just celebrated 8 years since her heart transplant. My Aunt who died in the recovery room after surgery to repair a hole in her heart.
None of these women suffered from “typical” heart disease, but that doesn’t mean heart related issues haven’t affected our family. The first time I went to a cardiologist he looked at me like I was crazy to come and see him when I was so young, until he heard my family history. And that isn’t even taking into account my Dad’s side of the family.
When David’s sister Jules came over on Friday night she and Miss T were in red also. It made me happy!
I know I want my heart to be healthy so I can be around for a long time!
Our Hearts. Our Choice.
Speak Up to save lives at GoRedForWomen.org.
On a less serious note, I love the shirts I found for the Girlies for this day. They couldn’t have been more perfect. Red with a pink sequined heart and a steal at $4. Gotta love Target and their Valentine’s Day clothes.
This is how I have been feeling lately:
Sometimes the holidays can do that to me.
It’s a few things that start getting me down.
I start getting stressed out when the calendar gets full. I feel like my days are busy enough keeping up with the kidlets schedule and when all the evenings start getting full I get overwhelmed. I don’t like or need to be constantly going. I need time where I don’t have to be anywhere or doing anything. I am a first-class hermitess. I like being home and I like to be with my family. I tend to get uncomfortable in social setting, even with people I know. I really am shy…until you break through the wall I put up, then not so much.
I also put pressure on myself to make the holidays perfect. Well not really perfect, but to meet certain expectations. What expectations you ask? Well I am not sure, so that’s why I can’t ever meet them. Oh by the way, did I tell you I am insane?!?
And the most difficult part…
I miss my Mom.
It’s been almost 16 years since she passed away and every Christmas I think it will be easier, and it seems like it is harder the more years that go by.
Here we are a few hundred years ago making Christmas cookies at my sister’s house.
My Mom was in her element during the holidays. She was always busy baking and making treats. She made incredible decorations and our house was decorated to the hilt. It’s not that I don’t feel like I measure up to her. I came to the realization long ago that she is who she is and I am who I am. I can’t and don’t want to be just like her. I am very happy with the traits and skills she passed on to me and the ones I chose to skip. She just had this way about her that made everything special right down to the tiny details.
Maybe that’s the problem? Now that I am the Mom and I am the one that is trying to make the holidays special for everyone else I have forgotten that I need to make them special for me?
So how does one go about doing that???
See this is why I miss my Mom…she would know the answer to that!
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