This is how I have been feeling lately:
Sometimes the holidays can do that to me.
It’s a few things that start getting me down.
I start getting stressed out when the calendar gets full. I feel like my days are busy enough keeping up with the kidlets schedule and when all the evenings start getting full I get overwhelmed. I don’t like or need to be constantly going. I need time where I don’t have to be anywhere or doing anything. I am a first-class hermitess. I like being home and I like to be with my family. I tend to get uncomfortable in social setting, even with people I know. I really am shy…until you break through the wall I put up, then not so much.
I also put pressure on myself to make the holidays perfect. Well not really perfect, but to meet certain expectations. What expectations you ask? Well I am not sure, so that’s why I can’t ever meet them. Oh by the way, did I tell you I am insane?!?
And the most difficult part…
I miss my Mom.
It’s been almost 16 years since she passed away and every Christmas I think it will be easier, and it seems like it is harder the more years that go by.
Here we are a few hundred years ago making Christmas cookies at my sister’s house.
My Mom was in her element during the holidays. She was always busy baking and making treats. She made incredible decorations and our house was decorated to the hilt. It’s not that I don’t feel like I measure up to her. I came to the realization long ago that she is who she is and I am who I am. I can’t and don’t want to be just like her. I am very happy with the traits and skills she passed on to me and the ones I chose to skip. She just had this way about her that made everything special right down to the tiny details.
Maybe that’s the problem? Now that I am the Mom and I am the one that is trying to make the holidays special for everyone else I have forgotten that I need to make them special for me?
So how does one go about doing that???
See this is why I miss my Mom…she would know the answer to that!
Posts
Yep...made me cry...
ReplyDeleteI was just doing my peppernut post and jumped over to read yours...
AAUUUGGGHHHH...
Lene
You are an amazing mom, and you have made so many memories for your children. Memories!!! That is all it is about...
Now...start smiling and counting down until you come see me!
Love the post. I agree with Janiece you are making GREAT memories for your kids and I also agree that the holiday hustle and bustle stresses me out too.
ReplyDeleteWhat a sweet post about your mom. I had no idea that your Mom passed away. Sounds like you had a wonderful Mother, what great memories you have. I am sure your Mother is very proud of you.
ReplyDeleteDon't stress, do what i do. Take one day at a time.
I'm so dragging my feet this year. I don't know what my problem is. I always tell myself I will start in October and be done. But, my procrastinating tendencies kick in.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure it's hard without your mom :(
Mom's are the best and they do know the answers. Your post here is so bittersweet.
ReplyDeleteYou make new memories with your kids, and share your favorites when you were little.
I know what you mean about wanting it to be perfect, but not really having a plan. Perfect for me really is everyone smiling and having a great time. And the way to do that, is to do what I know you already do, and that is be with your family.
I'm so sorry you've had to have so many years without your Mom. That seems so unfair. My Mom lost her Mom before I was born, and I always felt bad for her.
ReplyDeleteYou and I are alike in so many ways. I tend to be a hermit too. And would always make myself feel guilty for not being "out there" more. But I came to realize that it's okay to be a hermit and it's okay to want to spend so much time with my family. They're only in our house for so long, and then they're gone. I'm not one that has to see friends daily, either, and am quite content to email them all day, rather than pick up the phone. And I can't stand to be over-scheduled either. I have to have some "home" time. And don't tell, but sometimes we don't even answer our door.
I think the answer to making your holiday special for you, is doing things that are important to you. Don't worry about making homemade treats for the neighbors if you'd rather spend that time doing something with your kids. Don't worry about having the perfectly decorated house, if it's only stressing you out.
Your kids will remember the holidays in your house with fondness, mostly because of the love they feel there. They'll remember the feelings & excitement they felt, more than anything.
I always have grand plans of what I want to do, and always fall short because of time or whatever. It's especially hard not to compare ourselves with others when we see everyone's blogs with fabulous ideas.
Sorry for the novel. Hope the blahs go away.
I went through this funk last year. We were in such a different place last Christmas (and I don't just mean that geographically) and I could never really get into that Christmas mood. I figured out that I was happiest while serving others and made it a daily point of trying to give service some way. A phone call, a visit, or even just folding the over flowing sock basket so my husband wouldn't have to search for socks in the mornings. I got way more back than I put forth and found the Christmas spirit.
ReplyDeleteSorry you've been blue. I can't even imagine how difficult it is without your mom. Mom's are so special. And so are you! You are an awesome momma, it's obvious. I agree with Tammy. Pick a few of the things that are most important to you and just do those. Hope you're feeling better this week.
ReplyDelete{{Hugs}}