This is how I have been feeling lately:
Sometimes the holidays can do that to me.
It’s a few things that start getting me down.
I start getting stressed out when the calendar gets full. I feel like my days are busy enough keeping up with the kidlets schedule and when all the evenings start getting full I get overwhelmed. I don’t like or need to be constantly going. I need time where I don’t have to be anywhere or doing anything. I am a first-class hermitess. I like being home and I like to be with my family. I tend to get uncomfortable in social setting, even with people I know. I really am shy…until you break through the wall I put up, then not so much.
I also put pressure on myself to make the holidays perfect. Well not really perfect, but to meet certain expectations. What expectations you ask? Well I am not sure, so that’s why I can’t ever meet them. Oh by the way, did I tell you I am insane?!?
And the most difficult part…
I miss my Mom.
It’s been almost 16 years since she passed away and every Christmas I think it will be easier, and it seems like it is harder the more years that go by.
Here we are a few
hundred years ago making Christmas cookies at my sister’s house.
My Mom was in her element during the holidays. She was always busy baking and making treats. She made incredible decorations and our house was decorated to the hilt. It’s not that I don’t feel like I measure up to her. I came to the realization long ago that she is who she is and I am who I am. I can’t and don’t want to be just like her. I am very happy with the traits and skills she passed on to me and the ones I chose to skip. She just had this way about her that made everything special right down to the tiny details.
Maybe that’s the problem? Now that I am the Mom and I am the one that is trying to make the holidays special for everyone else I have forgotten that I need to make them special for me?
So how does one go about doing that???
See this is why I miss my Mom…she would know the answer to that!