So What Do Numbers Really Mean?

So Ham was born early; not too early, just a little early. He came exactly 4 weeks before his due date. He did spend some time in the NICU; not very long, just a week. But since then he has been behind on those big milestones that Moms keep track of, and everyone asks about: Has he rolled over? Yes, but late. Is he sitting up by himself? Yes, but late. Does he cruise around the furniture? Yes, finally. Does he stand alone? No. Is he walking? Not even close. Since he was born early we have a nurse that comes every 3 months to evaluate him. She came the last time right after he turned 1. She did her evaluation of his physical development and asked me a few questions. She said that she thought he should be evaluated by one of the nurses that check for social and emotional developement. Nurse Anna came on Friday and did her evaluation. She watched how he interacted with me. She watched how he interacted with LaLa and Roo. She saw how when he gets upset he rocks and doesn't know how to calm himself. She asked me some questions, all the while checking things off on her clipboard. Then added up the numbers to my answers, I didn't know there where numbers that went with my answers! Finally she tells me that the cutoff (cutoff? - what cutoff?) was 48 and Ham scored a 65. I was relieved. He was well above the cutoff, wonderful right? Well not exactly, this is an evaluation where the lower the number, the better. She said the awful "A" word - Autism. And my heart started breaking... This is a long way from an official diagnosis, but a word you don't want to hear in relationship to your sweet, little boy. My mind has been racing all weekend. Now we have to wait until June for another evaluation. Do I want to wait? Should I rush into more evaluations? or should I relax and hope that in the next few months he starts doing more things that he should be doing and less of the things that he shouldn't be. I think I will just keep loving him for being Ham!


  1. My Sweet Lene,
    Your post today made me cry, and put such a helpless feeling in my insides. You know me I want to FIX everything...
    But, when I read your last line, I knew you would be ok and so will Ham.
    You are an amazing mother, with amazing children each with their own gift to bring to the family. So, don't worry...and when Ham starts rocking, send him over, I am more than likely setting in the corner rocking too.

  2. It will be just fine. More and more children are diagnosed with this each day and on so many different levels. My belief? They are protected by their Heavenly Father who loves them for being such STRONG and VALIENT spirits and this is His way to keep them from the powers of Satan! Love him and he will flourish!! Our prayers are with you all!!